I first thought about the concept of highs versus happiness when I heard the author Mark Manson speak about it on a podcast with YouTube life coach Jay Shetty. Mark discusses the concept of differentiating the two words in his book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck”. He explains, “If you have to try to be happy, then you will never be happy. The key to finding happiness is to stop looking for it.”

HIGHS VS. HAPPINESS

One of the definitions of highs would be stimulating events in our lives that please us: Exotic vacations, thriving social lives, accepting new job offers, graduation, buying a home, having a baby, or dropping a certain number of pounds. The value we give these events is high, and we pursue them relentlessly, sometimes enjoying ourselves in the process but also not a lot of the time.

Highs make us feel euphoric in the moment producing a delightful cocktail of positive endorphins that can last for days, weeks, or months. Other pleasure-seeking activities include watching Netflix, eating junk food, playing video games, etc.

Pleasure, on the other hand, is correlated to happiness but does not cause it. The true meaning of happiness relates more to the things that bring us joy and contentment in day-to-day life. Time with our families, fulfilling hobbies, eating good healthy food, interacting with our pets, regular exercise, and a quality circle of friends – any ongoing life experiences that produce a feeling of well-being rather than fleeting pleasure.

Speaking from personal experience in my 36 years of life so far, I can certainly say with confidence that I spent a significant amount of time evaluating the success of my life through accomplishment. I spent my teens, twenties, and most of my thirties in a relentless pursuit of my various personal goals:

• Getting and maintaining a healthy body
• Getting my dream apartment or relationship
• Succeeding at work
• Going back to school
• Buying a home

I also went through a phase of travelling where I couldn’t get enough of new cities and places. Experiencing new cultures, meeting new people, and living and working in a completely foreign environment (I moved from Canada to the UK) gave me feelings of thrill and excitement that I had never felt before. There were parties, spontaneous weekend trips to Portugal or Spain, and a sheer speed of life significantly different from my life in Canada.

The pandemic was a surprising and effective way of determining what we must pursue in our lives to meet our human needs. Gone were the days of anything social, and with that, the need for things that enable and accompany those experiences: new clothes, travelling, eating and drinking out at expensive restaurants, attending live events and so much more.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, we were forced to make the most out of our 24 hours a day spent indoors. We were forced to work on our relationships, cook at home, maintain friendships and careers over the internet and annoy our pets with far too much attention than they bargained for.

But we got through it, and many of us came out better off than we did going in.. We were able to self-reflect and prioritize the things, people, and activities that we truly need to be happy.

Happiness is the process of becoming your ideal self. It’s achieved in the process of working towards a goal, not in and of the goal itself.

Have you ever lost track of time in the process of cooking a meal, training for a marathon, writing, or even going about the daily tasks of your day job? That feeling is the “Flow” state, which was first conceived by the author Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his book Flow. Mihaly’s famous “optimal experience” investigations have revealed what makes an experience genuinely satisfying is a state of presence throughout. During flow, people experience heightened creativity, deep enjoyment and total involvement in life.

The key message of this post: Take some time to reflect on what you consider to be the markers of a successful life. It isn’t really about eliminating all highs for happiness or vice versa. A balance of the two would work just fine.  

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. I hope that what you have read has somehow educated, informed, or inspired you. You can sign up for the mailing list below to receive special announcements directly to your inbox no more than once a month (We won’t spam you!).

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