Feeling comfortable with my own company has always come naturally to me. I haven’t yet been able to identify if it’s because of my inborn personality, the environment and lifestyle that nurtured me, or a combination of both.
My father was in the Navy, so we moved homes a lot as a child. This made me accustomed to changing schools and friends quite frequently. With this came a lot of alone time during the transitions from place to place and before I made new friends.
I was also an only child for eight years before my brother was born. This added to the reduced need for constant companionship since I either had to entertain myself or turn to the person closest and most available to me at that time and that age – My mother. (Because of this extended alone time together, I still consider her my best friend 30 years later).
My default and strongest memories from childhood involve a range of introvert activities – for example, either holed up in a bedroom with a book or sitting underneath a flip-up dining table as an “office” where I could “write” in my notebook pretending I was in a meeting at age four (don’t ask). I gravitated towards activities and locations that required a small, enclosed space with a door so I could be alone.
There have also been times when the content feeling of solitude has crawled to the other end of the spectrum – towards loneliness. I’ve learned that there is a vast difference between the two feelings as I’ve matured through life. With loneliness comes a feeling of lack, of need, of feeling helpless about being able to meet your own needs for connection. You feel like something is missing, and you could feel out of touch even amidst a crowd of people. Solitude isn’t the same. When identified and executed correctly, healthy alone time is needed.
Keep reading below to learn about why solitude can be positive and how you can transform your alone time into an experience that brings you many mental, physical, and emotional rewards.
WHY SOLITUDE IS BENEFICIAL
Improves psychological well-being.
Right before the pandemic began, I was rarely alone. I worked in a busy law firm and had just moved back in with my family after moving home from abroad. Most days consisted of a typical work schedule plus some weekend relaxation times and catching up on chores and errands.
But once complete isolation became the norm, I vowed to find a proper way to focus and cope with all of the world’s madness. I started meditating, taking long breaks off social media, connecting with friends and family over Zoom as much as possible, and spending time in nature and journaling.
Spending time alone helps to de-stress and recharge your batteries. Managing the various relationships in our lives can be incredibly draining. Even though we may not notice it at the time, all of the “micro” nuances of daily interactions exhaust us mentally. Reading people, their body language, responding in the right way – all of that takes its toll. Time away from it all gives the brain time to recuperate and re-energize.
Boosts productivity.
I am never more productive than I am when I am alone. Whether it’s cooking, cleaning, reorganizing, studying, or writing blog posts – I seem to be able to work on level 10 and accomplish so much more than I do with people around.
The pandemic provided another good example for this. Although so many offices have started creating open floor plans with the goal of easy communication and brainstorming, studies show being surrounded by people kills productivity. People perform better when they have a little privacy. During WFH, many companies saw productivity levels soar when people worked from their personal home offices.
Boosts creativity.
Bill Gates is known to take “Think Weeks,” where he spends extended periods alone in a cabin, reading books, reflecting on his progress, and boosting his creativity. The solitary genius is a common trope in Western society. Think of Van Gogh alone in an asylum and Beethoven’s withdrawal into silent solitude.
Daydreaming can also be a therapeutic state. Personally, I’m able to unlock chambers in my mind where all the best ideas live while I’m sitting alone, staring off into space, strolling, or meditating. (I’ve written about the benefits of boredom in this blog post). I used to resist boredom, but after researching its benefits, I routinely set aside time to “check out” and see where my mind naturally wanders and what it comes up with.
Give you time to connect and get to know yourself.
Being alone can provide you with the right environment to get in touch with your values and what you want out of life. Sometimes too many conversations with too many people can infiltrate our own opinions despite everyone’s best intentions.
Reading books and consuming other content that interests you, brainstorming your thoughts, and just allowing yourself to feel bored can birth new revelations about yourself and what you want out of the next phase of your life. You can uncover aspects of your personality and character that you might not have even thought existed. It can be a great time for self-reflection and connection to your inner self.
Makes you independent.
If you are new to spending time with yourself, it might feel uncomfortable at first. Your anxiety might increase, you may get lost in thought, and your mind might focus on the negative aspects of your life. The pandemic definitely put almost all of us through that experience. This is when it would be unhealthy to turn to social media for a false sense of connection to fill the void.
But once you are over that initial hump of discomfort and you’re forced to self-soothe and be content by yourself, consistent, healthy solitude can make you highly self-reliant. It can also reduce your codependent tendencies if that happens to be part of your personality.
It’s like exercising a muscle – The more you get comfortable doing things and being by yourself, the more you’ll be able to do it confidently as time goes on.
Helps with problem-solving.
I have been able to find sudden solutions to minor and major life problems simply by taking some time to myself. I do this by taking walks, going on drives, listening to calming music, or running errands alone.
A University of British Columbia study found that our brains are much more active while daydreaming than what was previously thought. Psychologists found that brain areas associated with complex problem-solving – previously thought to be dormant while daydreaming – are, in fact, highly active during these episodes.
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